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12-02-2026Must work more, must finish dissertation, must get better at judo, must do more grappling, must try bjj, wait, bjj isn’t what i thought it was, wait i really love judo, wait maybe i can actually be good at this, must not be embarrassed, must not worry, must let go of control, must control everything, wait its not what it looks like, wait what do people think, what does he think, oh no, breth in, breath out, you have your chance